Dear Earth,
We thank you most gratefully for, on every part of the planet, providing at least one time of year when a) costumes are not only expected but in some instances demanded and b) it is perfectly acceptable to speak of the consumption of human flesh, although there are certain limits, we've learned. It is astonishing that the contents of your innards are not as delicious as said innards themselves.
We would also like to extend our appreciation towards your strangely un-"Darwinian" behavior. Your tendencies towards murders strange, gratuitous, and completely deranged have done a great job of covering up our remains. It's almost better than dumping bodies into that one river in "New York"--which, by the way, we recommend cleaning up before the entire thing erupts in toxicity. Your ability to live side-by-side with the utterly disgusting never ceases to amaze us.
Do continue your tradition of labeling all singly witnessed events as conspiracies or the work of madmen! (It's so endearing.)
Love,
Alpha Centauri 6
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