Delicious Guacamole Recipe

My mother refused to forage for us at the local Panera, so I was forced to once again commit that awful sin of cooking for myself. This time, though, the best guacamole I have ever made. Seriously.

You'll need:
  • 1/4 red bell pepper (I just cut the bottom half off so I don't have to deal with the seeds and shove half of that in my mouth, because it is delicious.)
  • 1/2 medium tomato (well, within one standard deviation of the norm maybe?) Also, seriously ripe. If it's not ripe you might want to use a little extra tomato.
  • 2 ripe avocadoes (squishy is good, too squishy is gross
  • 2 green chilies, the super tiny ones.
  • 1/2 Mexican lime
  • 2 cloves garlic (I love garlic and I only used this much.)
  • Salt
  • A reasonably-sized bowl

  1. Do the usual thing with the avocadoes--scoop out their innards with extreme prejudice (I find that scooping it out first and then removing the seed is easier) and toss the black/brown bits, because...eeew.
  2. Squeeze that lime dry. Squeeze it like the government had better be squeezing BP. Maybe even toss in some of its delicious, delicious flesh.... (NOTE: Limes bring out the zest of chilies, so you know watch that shit.
  3. Finely dice the bell pepper and tomato.
  4. Slice the chilies nice and thin, making sure to scoop all the seeds into the mix. (Personally, the seeds are better than the green bits.)
  5. Mince the hell out of the garlic--if you have a garlic press, you lucky bastard, use it--and dump that in, too.
  6. Add a bit of salt--I think I used about a teaspoon total, but I just do it in gradually decreasing fractions so it never gets to be too much.
  7. Mix! My favorite part is mashing that fucking avocado. It's so messy, it deserves to be turned into a semi-smooth mix of deliciousness! Wwwwwug.

Eat with chips or, you know, whatever. Mleh.

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