Actually, "Happy Holidays" is Still Offensive

Oh, you wish I were kidding.

Here's the thing: this time of year is very Western. For starters, Asians follow the lunar calendar so the otherwise respectable pagan holiday of Winter Solstice is out of the equation, too. (While Chinese New Year tends to be in February or so, Indian New Year--Diwali, which can actually be five whole days of insanity and idiots letting off fireworks right by cars--is right around Halloween.)

Anyway, there's a reason Chinese takeout is open on Christmas, and it has nothing to do with the irresistible Asian drive to make money. (If it were, more Indian places would be open then. Oh wait, they are. Hmm.)

So...just use 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah' or even '[something else?] Kwanzaa,' or if you want to be super-authentic 'Happy Saturnalia.' It's a lot more honest than this 'Happy Holidays' bullshit. I don't care how succinct that is.

(If you've seen 30 Rock...you filthy liberal. ;)


On a side note,

- This is the future of people. My sister calls it "Egg Minnie," which for some reason is almost hilarious in my mind as Baby Sun.