Tourism Is Scary. Florida, Day One

I guess I never mentioned it here, but I'm in Florida right now. Five days of saying things, having them be ignored, and then enacted twenty or so minutes later. Seriously, parents....

But anyway.

Oh. My.

Dear old people and/or morbidly obese people, please please for the love of whatever god(s) you believe in, don't wear tube tops. A) It's embarassing for you, because you're either supposed to have more dignity or not walk around constantly having to tug on your breasts, and B) it's fucking awkward for those of us who have to walk by you and try not to look in your direction, except that sometimes we have to go in that direction.... Also, people with strollers, seriously?! Have some fucking respect for other people's feet, especially when they are not only children but do not have a protective layer of lard on their feet.

I'm also seriously disturbed by obesity in America now. I mean, people in Chicago can be fat, but I generally see them walking around. At Sea World, there were an incredible amount of people in carts because they couldn't handle having to warlk around. If you want to point out that some of these people are legitimate--yeah, I had my eye out for that. See, if they bring their own wheelchair/have crutches/a giant bandage on a leg/something else that's visible, then, well, that's pretty obvious. But when they're sitting in a cart and their legs aren't atrophied in any way, just completely encased in fat....

On a happier note, though, there were large numbers of physicially and/or mentally disabled people about. I hadn't thought about it before, but Sea World really is one of the few places that disabled people can really enjoy: there's a ton of shows, the animals are animated and water in general is freakin' awesome. At the very least, there's cool light effects and something very tactile about getting completely soaked.

So that's why zoos are fine by me...also, y'know, animal conservation is awesome. I'd rather buy souvenirs from these places than from pure theme parks.


When did Sea World get so gimmicky? I mean, the coaster that I went on wasn't bad--actually it was pretty sweet for something outside of Six Flags--but the shows were nothing compared to what I remember, and there was an obscene amount of shops and Anheuser-Busch advertising (okay, wow what so much shitty beer everywhere...and the "Apothecary," a place dedicated to Bud-wei-ser--raise your hand if you still think of the frogs when you hear the name). Maybe the Orlando one was always kind of like this, but I still remember when they came out with Happy Harbor (yeah, I only got to enjoy that for a year...bummer! They had the bouncy place, at least in the San Diego location) and how things kind of went downhill from there. I get the whole funding thing, but are people's attention spans so short that they can't even handle going to a place with cool animals and animals doing cool tricks without neeeEeeeding more?

Okay, I can kind of believe that of Americans. What the fuck, guys. First of all, the stroller thing. Second of all, I actually heard a kid yell "I WANT THAT DOLPHIN!" I always thought that was just an exaggeration or something, y'know?


Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I want the Sea World I remember back.

Not that it was completely awful.

Also, dear Dippin' Dots people: why are you so fucking expensive?!

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