4.12.2005

My Latest Minor Epiphany

I have discovered why I am so frequently in a mood vacillating between apathetic and lousy.

I'm dying.

Every moment I sit here, every time I move my finger to tap upon the grey keyboard, every time I look at the clock or inhale or think--I die a little more.

And that's the paradox: to live, one must die. Why is it so hard to believe? I think it's better than being immortal, watching days repeat themselves in monotonous fractals.

I'm still dying.

Out of Catch-22: "I'll live forever or die trying."

Whatever--that's close enough. Up yours.

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